Hoang Son Anh

Recently, my mom asked me to counsel a cousin on a career path. This would not pose a problem if it were a demand directly from him. I hesitated to have this conversation because, first, he never asked, and second, my advice would affect his decision one way or another. However, deep down in my heart, I knew that his decision was not wise, but I wouldn’t be sure about the outcome if he did otherwise.

You probably heard about the story of the fish and the fishing rod: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” I wish that giving advice could be easily distinguished as “fish” or “fishing rod.” Unfortunately, you would never know if this path would have been more successful than the other path. This is why I was struggling internally these few days with whether or not to have a coffee talk with my cousin. Based on my experiences, there are a lot of traps and pitfalls awaiting him. Therefore, a little warning is essential, so now the question is how to deliver it.

You might think, Just drop it straight in his face: “Here are the risks that you might encounter…” No, a big no. He might be too scared and lose all confidence in this path while the other path is no longer available. After days of researching this topic, I found an indirect way to support him: the hedgehog and the Ikigai concepts. These two concepts are similar in finding the balance between passion, money, and your strengths, whereas Ikigai added one more element to the formula, which is finding the demand from the world.

We often fall into traps when we focus too much energy and effort on one thing. For example, a greedy man might fall for fraud because he thinks it was such a good deal. However, by following these concepts, and finding the sweat point between essential factors, we would be less likely to go all in for one thing and might be able to diminish the risks.

In the end, helping others will always be appreciated, but choosing an indirect approach would be more effective sometimes. In my case, by providing the framework and tools, my cousin can answer and find his solution for the journey that he’s pursuing. Whatever the outcome might be, I’m sure he would be well prepared.